tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90974979173507459462012-02-16T21:20:52.886+08:00An individual's perceptive understanding of the issues in the world. An individual's attempt to revive her literacy passion in short stories, novels, poems and academic articles.thzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390619233920458623noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9097497917350745946.post-47737870740844627132009-05-18T00:34:00.005+08:002009-05-18T00:44:55.796+08:00<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">How can I walk from here? What can I see ahead of me?<br />It is so dark that I am afraid of this blackness for the very first time.<br />It is so dark and I can’t even grope around to lead me forward.<br />It is so dark that I yearn for a puny tinge of light to guide me.<br />I am really searching what I can dig inside of me.<br />So, why does my heart shut so tightly that I cannot find my emotions?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This loss of affect is terrifying me because I do not know what I am now made up of.<br />How could I smile naturally without feeling empty?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">How could I feel happiness when there is nothing inside of me?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Then, what is anger?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What is sadness?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Can i conclude that this emptiness in me is pure pain?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Or, even pain is to be defined as an emotion?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Then, what am I without any affect?<br />It seems like negativities keep pulling me down into a bottomless pit and I can not climb to the top or even to the brim of my happiness.<br />Seriously, blindness overshadowed my eyes and they simply can not remove the blanket of fear.<br />I yearn for a certain kind of pain to remind me of the life within.<br />I yearn for a key that could unlock the insecurities chaining me.<br />I yearn for a power drink that could pump energy throughout my entire veins.<br />Knew so many ways to drive out the struggle in my heart,<br />Yet I just stand alone and stoned at the same position.<br />Confused about the way life wants me to lead.<br />Confused about the coldness in my chest.<br />Confused about the path that I am about to chart.<br />The icy atmosphere swallowed every bit of soul in me.<br />I cannot even reach out what I deemed as a rescue of my soul.<br />Do not know what I am made of as I see how I behave.<br />I believe just like a stone, a tiny stone could break the fragile child.<br />Down and down, I fall… deeper and deeper as I sink.<br />As I sink to what I know as darkness, I tried to grab something to stop me from falling and further. But there is nothing.<br />Since when does emptiness crawl and eat me inside out?<br />Since when does my sparkle cease to appear?<br />Since when do I yearn to cry out loud so badly?<br />I am just a nobody trying to achieve something so big, so impossible, so great that I believe the past would definitely says no.<br />As I build my belief with people that trusted me I can do it, I found myself knocking onto the tides time and time again.<br />I seriously do not know where to go, how to walk, why I am doing all these, who I should believe in and when I can see my results piling right in front of me?<br />From the start, I was born and came alone.<br />So, should I just suffer alone and let the demon bite me alone?<br />I am alone, so alone.<br />Why am I alone?<br />Why?</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Loneliness is un-companionship.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">But it seems like loneliness is indeed my ally of all time.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I am just alone.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9097497917350745946-4773787074084462713?l=natalia-thz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>thzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03390619233920458623noreply@blogger.com0