Negativities Shot Through Me

How can I walk from here? What can I see ahead of me?
It is so dark that I am afraid of this blackness for the very first time.
It is so dark and I can’t even grope around to lead me forward.
It is so dark that I yearn for a puny tinge of light to guide me.
I am really searching what I can dig inside of me.
So, why does my heart shut so tightly that I cannot find my emotions?
This loss of affect is terrifying me because I do not know what I am now made up of.
How could I smile naturally without feeling empty?
How could I feel happiness when there is nothing inside of me?
Then, what is anger?
What is sadness?
Can i conclude that this emptiness in me is pure pain?
Or, even pain is to be defined as an emotion?
Then, what am I without any affect?
It seems like negativities keep pulling me down into a bottomless pit and I can not climb to the top or even to the brim of my happiness.
Seriously, blindness overshadowed my eyes and they simply can not remove the blanket of fear.
I yearn for a certain kind of pain to remind me of the life within.
I yearn for a key that could unlock the insecurities chaining me.
I yearn for a power drink that could pump energy throughout my entire veins.
Knew so many ways to drive out the struggle in my heart,
Yet I just stand alone and stoned at the same position.
Confused about the way life wants me to lead.
Confused about the coldness in my chest.
Confused about the path that I am about to chart.
The icy atmosphere swallowed every bit of soul in me.
I cannot even reach out what I deemed as a rescue of my soul.
Do not know what I am made of as I see how I behave.
I believe just like a stone, a tiny stone could break the fragile child.
Down and down, I fall… deeper and deeper as I sink.
As I sink to what I know as darkness, I tried to grab something to stop me from falling and further. But there is nothing.
Since when does emptiness crawl and eat me inside out?
Since when does my sparkle cease to appear?
Since when do I yearn to cry out loud so badly?
I am just a nobody trying to achieve something so big, so impossible, so great that I believe the past would definitely says no.
As I build my belief with people that trusted me I can do it, I found myself knocking onto the tides time and time again.
I seriously do not know where to go, how to walk, why I am doing all these, who I should believe in and when I can see my results piling right in front of me?
From the start, I was born and came alone.
So, should I just suffer alone and let the demon bite me alone?
I am alone, so alone.
Why am I alone?
Why?
Loneliness is un-companionship.
But it seems like loneliness is indeed my ally of all time.
I am just alone.